my new reality

this is my new reality.

and I honestly could not finish this. it was so to much.

it is so weird to think that this little bit fills me up so much that I am literally uncomfortable. 

it is definitely a new reality for me.

this whole journey will be something new for me each day i think. I am ready though. I am ready for change. I knew this would not be easy and I am ready for the challenge. I will be even more ready for the fight when I am over this soreness. Then watch out new self..I am coming and I mean business!!

my first few days at home.

well, lets see. where do i begin.

after being home for about 30 minutes, one of my over enthusiastic children jumped on the couch to sit next to me and put there knee in my stomach. So I think they busted an internal stitch. At least that is what the doctor thinks. 

although i will take it, to be back near all my babies. I missed them. Even though they were wild when I walked in the door and have not calmed down much, its ok. That is our normal life and I would not trade it. 

Somethings that I am having a hard time with even though I knew they were coming.

*soreness- I hate being sore after surgery, and boy am I. I have pain meds but I don't care for them because they make me feel a little sick. 

*tiredness- I was not prepared for how exhausted I would be. I knew I would be tired but I am really wiped. Not only is my body trying to heal from surgery but the number of calories that I am eating has decreased considerably, so my body is trying to heal and does not have to much fuel to run on.  it will get better, i just need to give it time. I am not sorry I did this, just am tired. 

*water/liquids- I have to drink a lot of water. No soda, very little juice, I can have protein shakes, but still a lot of water. It is hard to get it all in because you feel full so quickly and it is not fun if you go past the full point. You just feel like you are going to get sick. Luckily I have not thrown up yet, but I hate the feeling. 

other than that, i have been overwhelmed by all of the wonderful messages of encouragement people have left on facebook. They just make me happy. I was really worried about how people would respond and this has made it so much easier. 

i have received flowers from my aunt that are just beautiful!

and we have had friends come by with meals and just to check in on us. 

I have been blessed with wonderful family that has stayed with the kids while I am in the hospital and that are coming for extra help this coming week. I am so grateful for everyone being so willing to help. it really does mean a lot!! 

I will keep everyone posted in the next few days. I am hoping my soreness goes down and things start to slowly get back to normal!!

the big day!

Garran, myself and my dad came into Chicago the night before and stayed in a hotel just so we would not have to fight trafic and all of that wonderfulness! ;0)

I want to try and document as much of this as possible. 

So this was yesterday morning before surgery. My final before pictures. 

so this was the morning of Sept. 26 2012

 front

 side

i had to check in around 10:00. Then I spend about 2 hours in pre op just going over things, getting iv's in place, all of that fun stuff. 

 Of course I wanted a picture with my handsome hubby. He has been amazaing through all of this. He originally did not want me to get the surgery just because he is not crazy about me having any kind of surgery. But the more we were both educated, the more he became a little more comfortable. I know he was glad when it was over. 

I just have to say, I love this man!

 and me after my iv. it was actually not all that bad. Usually the IV is the worst part of the hospital for me, but not this time!

 Here I am just waiting. I am so not good at waiting on things sometimes. 

 surgery went really well apparently. at least that is what i heard from garran and my dad. I was a little sore afterwards, but for te most part m recovery in the hospital had been really good. 

my view this morning when they came in to take my vitals. very pretty.

and my cup!! I get to work on one of these each hour!! Pretty exciting I know!

again, thanks for all the love and support you guys have shown. it has made me feel so loved!

t-10 and counting

well...here we go. it's surgery eve. 

all i am doing is waiting for the call to find out what time I need to be at the hospital tomorrow. 

family is coming into tonight to help with littles. 

I still need to pack, but other than that I guess I am as ready as I am going to be.

People are starting to hear that I am having surgery and so I wanted to do a quick explanation of why I did not say anything sooner and why I am choosing to do this. 

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Tomorrow I will be having bariatric surgery. 

I have decided to do this for a couple reasons. 

1. I have always struggled with my weight. I was heavy as a child and all through school. I was active in sports and things like that but I was always the heaviest on my team and was always frustrated at the lack of ability to loose the weight I wanted too. My mom took me to the doctor in junior high when she noticed that I was not loosing weight either despite my different sports activities and things like that.  It turned up that I had a thyroid problem and have had it ever since. 

I have been pretty lucky because despite my weight, I have been really healthy. I have never had problems with high blood pressure, diabetes, or anything like that. 

Then I started having kids. The weight that I gained never seemed to go away. It would just stay. I might loose a little hear or there, but never get it completely off. And so my weight just continued to creep up with each baby. Finally by my last, Ayla, my body had just had enough I think. I developed gestational diabetes with her and after her birth I was pre-diabetic and my blood pressure started to creep up. That is when I knew I had to do something serious. Both of my grandfathers suffered heart attack and people in my family have issues with high blood pressure. I am going to be 32 this November and I don't want to start dealing with these issues at such a young age if at all. 

2. I want to feel good. I really enjoy working out. I work out right now sometimes 3-5 days a week. I enjoy Zumba and swimming. However my body hurts after I work out and I know that it is contributed to my weight. Not to mention I had back surgery after giving birth to Kael. My weight is a real factor in the possibility of me having to repeat that surgery again. 

3. I want to be around to watch my kids grow up. I want to grow old with my husband. I don't to be restrained or restricted because of my weight when I get older. I want to be able to run and play with my grandkids and do all of the traveling that Garran and I dream of now. 

I know that a lot of people think this is an easy out. That could not be further from the truth. This process has taken me a year to complete. I had to go to multiple classes to learn about vitamins, eating, exercise, calories, etc. 

I had to meet with a dietician regularly to track my progress and show that I was serious about the program. 

I also had to meet with a psychologist. We spoke for a while about why I was interested in doing this surgery. 

The program that I am apart of is very in depth and definitely not something you go into one day and the next day you are on the table. I can honestly say that I have never felt more prepared for a surgery in my entire life. 

There is no easy out with this. If you don't do the work, it won't work. If you go in and have the surgery and go home and think..."Oh, now I have this tiny stomach I can eat whatever I want", you would be dead wrong. Yes people have had this surgery and gained the weight back...They did not follow the program. You have to stay on the diet, you have to count your calories, and you have to exercise. That is the bottom line.

I would be lying if I said that I was not a little excited at the idea of being a smaller size. What girl doesn't have that thought? But my real intention is to be healthy, for me, and for my family. 

I know I will run into criticism. I already have with some of the people that I have started to tell. That is ok. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. This is my choice. It is my way of trying to get healthy. 

My surgeon used a really good analogy that I like to think of when I am explaining my reasons for doing this surgery. 

For someone in my position who is heavy, but active. Who has been following a diet for a year now and exercising regularly, and still not lost a decent amount of weight, this is what he told me. He said, "You are the perfect candidate for this surgery. You are focused and are following the plan." Then he used the analogy. He told me to imagine standing at the starting line of a race. He said everyone is there standing normally, ready to run. But I am there with a book bag with all these extra weights in it. No matter how hard I try it will be harder for my body to keep up with the "normal" runners. So this surgery takes that book bag off my back. It puts my body on an even playing field to loose the weight and to have success when I diet and exercise. 

I know some people are wondering why I waited so long to say anything about the surgery. Well in the process I went through you don't get clearance for the surgery until the very end. And once you are approved you get your surgery date pretty quickly. 

Another reason, honestly, was that I was not sure how to bring it up. Like I said, I am never a 100% sure of what the reaction will be. 

So..that being said. Tomorrow is the day. Secrets out! 

Family and Friends that have said they wanted updates, Garran will have my phone. We ask that all surgery questions be sent to that phone, so that both phones are not ringing. 

I will be posting from the hospital on how everything went, as I will just be sitting there recovering. 

Wish me luck!

At the finish line..of sorts.

Well here it is, Saturday night, the 22nd. I am 4 days away from surgery. I almost can not believe it. I can not believe that it is here. I have been on a liquid diet with some protein here and there. It has been a long couple of days, but nothing I could not handle. It's all part of the journey. So i had my pre-op physical and of course my thyroid is off. When is it not?!?! However the surgeon is not concerned and it should not postpone anything having to do with the surgery.

so now....

more of the dreaded photo updates. I always hate this because I never see the kind of progress that I want to...but i do see a little here and there. I have to remember my moto...Every pound is one less pound I am carrying around with me. 

So far I have lost 24 pounds... It fluctuates from day to day, but I try to track it by weighing in every Monday. 

Ok enough stalling...here are the photos. 

Here is my photo from May

 Here is my photo from September.

My surgery is September 26. 

I will be updating from the hospital on how surgery went and also my progress after I go home. Wish me luck.