2 months out.

Today is 2 months out of surgery.

Things are still going well.

I even made it through my first big FOOD holiday without any real problems. 

So here I was last month.

from the front

and here I am this month

last month from the side

This month from the side

I am down a total of 34.6 pounds from the date of my surgery. For two months out I guess that is not to bad. I have not done my measurements yet this month, but I am going to try and do it tonight. I am glad to see the number going down on the scale, I just wish that my brain would catch up with it. I know that other people that have had this surgery can relate to this, but when I look in the mirror, I have a very hard time seeing the weight going away. Everyone keeps saying they can see it, but I can not. I have heard this is pretty common with people that have had this surgery and will not always be this way. A friend of mine said usually around the 6 month mark your brain finally kicks in and you can start to see a real change in yourself. Right now I am just enjoying seeing the numbers go down on the scale, my clothes fitting looser and feeling better in general!

jeans

I'm finally back in REGULAR jeans!! 

I am so excited. 

I can't wait to be down more sizes but I love being in regular jeans!!

woo hoo

ps. excuse the morning hair. I had not done it yet. 

Have I mentioned....

Have I mentioned that I miss soda. 

I mean I really miss soda. 

I miss drinking it, even though I know it is not good for me. 

I am struggling with drinking water, juice and milk. 

I just miss having the variety. 

However, I don't miss it enough to have changed what I have done.

I am so grateful every time I get on that scale and see the numbers go down. 

I had a check up for my thyroid the other day. 

My pulse is down by 20 points, or whatever you call it. It used to rest in the 90's and now it rest in the 70's. 

My blood pressure which has always been good. It usually hangs around 110/70 something. When I went to the doctor the other day, I had Briea walking, Ayla in a stroller, and Andrew who is 5 months in a back pack. We had been shopping all morning and when they took my blood pressure it was 90/ 70 something. I like the idea that I am getting healthier. I am enjoying working out more. My body does not hurt the way it used to. It also is easier to move. I guess I never realized how all that weight affected my movements. But it did. 

So while I miss soda...It's ok. 

To quote some very wise words, form a very wise man...

"I CAN DO HARD THINGS!"

Finally a Combo I like!!

After surgery, water becomes a constant. 

But you can only take it for so long. Or at least that is the case with me. 

So I finally found a combo that I like that is ok. 

You are a loud to have a little juice each day but you are supposed to water it down. 

Well that just is no good either. So I can drink as much of the Ocean Spray Diet as I want. No sugar. Yippee. So I mix the 2 half and half. 

Yummy!!! 

Just a tip for anyone out there that needs a little break from water!!
ps. this is not my apple juice of choice. It is a little high in sugar. there are better ones, but this was what the gas station had this morning when I stopped in. 

1 month post!

Well here are the stats for my 1 month out post. 

(I plan on posting pics and stats each month on my surgery date.)

So here we go. 

From my last check in with the surgeon, on 9/15 I am down 32.4 pounds. 

From my actual surgery date of September 26 till today October 26 I am down, 23 pounds.

Here are my pictures. 

 This is my day of surgery-9/26

 This is today 10/26

 

This was pre surgery 9/26

 This is today 10/26

As for inches-

I have gone done 1 1/4 inch on my neck

2 inches on my upper arms

1 inch on my forearm

Almost 3 inches on my waist. 

3 inches on my abdomen

1 inch on thighs

I still have a ways to go but I am happy with the results so far.

Protein, Protein, Protein.

Well if you have never been on this journey here is something new for you to know. When you are preparing for bariatric surgery and after, a word that will be drilled into your brain is PROTEIN!! 

You must have it EVERYDAY, at every meal. You have to have it for your body to rebuild and also to loose the weight. 

Before surgery, I had no problem getting my protein in. I actually liked the protein shakes. I thought they tasted pretty good. 

However, and if you ever go through this, you will hear this as well....Surgery changes they way certain things taste. 

For me...it was the protein shakes. I just can't get them down. I have tried different brands, flavors, etc. No Luck. 

So I am trying hard to get my protein in other ways. I have tried a couple different protein bars. That is harder than you think because while they say they are good for you, a lot of them are packed with sugar. No good for someone who has just had bariatric surgery due to dumping syndrome.  So I try to find protein bars that are 5g of sugar or less but don't taste like something that has been behind your refrigerator for months. 

They say before surgery your goal should be 60-80 g of protein a day. After you should be able to work up to 80-120g per day. That may not sound like a lot but when your stomach is the size of an egg, it is a lot to get down. On top of drinking all the fluids and such. 

I am not complaining. I do not regret my decision to have this surgery. All I am saying is that it is a learning curve. It helps to have friends that have gone through it. They are a wonderful resource to have. They answer questions and can actually tell you what they have experienced and what works. I am not knocking my doctors, because they are great. However, there is something different when you talk to someone who has actually walked the walk. So if anyone out there in blog land is preparing or just had surgery and is having problem with your protein...don't feel bad. You are not alone. I don't think I am hitting my goals either. But I am doing the best I can...and that is working so far. 

rockin it!

went to Wal-Mart the other day while my mom was here helping. I just needed to get out of the house. I was getting a little cabin fever. However, I was not really ready to walk. So my mom said I should hope on the old Walmart Hog and take it for a spin. And I did just that. Rolled through the store, wave to folks as I went by. The worst part is, is that it beeps when you back up... Very annoying! 

look a little to familiar???

Yep that is how I was feeling too. 

Since Friday I have been having this abdominal pain, but it is really in my very low abdomen. No where near my incisions or surgery location. 

Everything with my surgery is going great. 

Let me just say this...The hardest part after surgery is getting all of your water! 

WATER-WATER-WATER!!

You can only sip, but you have to drink a ton. 

It is hard. At least for me. 

Anyways, back on track.

Garran decided to take me to the ER when I was doubled over in pain around 5pm tonight. I felt horrible because it was Kael's birthday today and I had already missed somethings do to follow up appointments. Anyways, when we first arrived, everyone was thinking it was my appendix. I thought to myelf..."Wonderful! This would be just my luck!!". 

Luckily It is not my appendix. They diagnosed me after a CAT scan with severe abdominal pain. I know right. Not much help. They gave me some pain meds and sent me home. The pain meds don't do much so I guess I will just be giving it some time. 

Other than that.. Things are going well. 

Met with the surgical nurse today and she said my incisions were healing wonderfully and the dietician said I was down 13 pounds from the last class I was at!

That made me feel good. 

As for weight loss they said that this was pretty much how it would go. 

In the first month you will about 20lbs.

Then after that you will loose between 2-3 pounds a week. 

That is music to my ears. 

I am trying to be as honest as I can about my journey since this is my journal for this part of my life. 

I am an open book so if you have questions, please feel free to email me or leave me comments here!!

I will update again soon!!

my new reality

this is my new reality.

and I honestly could not finish this. it was so to much.

it is so weird to think that this little bit fills me up so much that I am literally uncomfortable. 

it is definitely a new reality for me.

this whole journey will be something new for me each day i think. I am ready though. I am ready for change. I knew this would not be easy and I am ready for the challenge. I will be even more ready for the fight when I am over this soreness. Then watch out new self..I am coming and I mean business!!

my first few days at home.

well, lets see. where do i begin.

after being home for about 30 minutes, one of my over enthusiastic children jumped on the couch to sit next to me and put there knee in my stomach. So I think they busted an internal stitch. At least that is what the doctor thinks. 

although i will take it, to be back near all my babies. I missed them. Even though they were wild when I walked in the door and have not calmed down much, its ok. That is our normal life and I would not trade it. 

Somethings that I am having a hard time with even though I knew they were coming.

*soreness- I hate being sore after surgery, and boy am I. I have pain meds but I don't care for them because they make me feel a little sick. 

*tiredness- I was not prepared for how exhausted I would be. I knew I would be tired but I am really wiped. Not only is my body trying to heal from surgery but the number of calories that I am eating has decreased considerably, so my body is trying to heal and does not have to much fuel to run on.  it will get better, i just need to give it time. I am not sorry I did this, just am tired. 

*water/liquids- I have to drink a lot of water. No soda, very little juice, I can have protein shakes, but still a lot of water. It is hard to get it all in because you feel full so quickly and it is not fun if you go past the full point. You just feel like you are going to get sick. Luckily I have not thrown up yet, but I hate the feeling. 

other than that, i have been overwhelmed by all of the wonderful messages of encouragement people have left on facebook. They just make me happy. I was really worried about how people would respond and this has made it so much easier. 

i have received flowers from my aunt that are just beautiful!

and we have had friends come by with meals and just to check in on us. 

I have been blessed with wonderful family that has stayed with the kids while I am in the hospital and that are coming for extra help this coming week. I am so grateful for everyone being so willing to help. it really does mean a lot!! 

I will keep everyone posted in the next few days. I am hoping my soreness goes down and things start to slowly get back to normal!!

the big day!

Garran, myself and my dad came into Chicago the night before and stayed in a hotel just so we would not have to fight trafic and all of that wonderfulness! ;0)

I want to try and document as much of this as possible. 

So this was yesterday morning before surgery. My final before pictures. 

so this was the morning of Sept. 26 2012

 front

 side

i had to check in around 10:00. Then I spend about 2 hours in pre op just going over things, getting iv's in place, all of that fun stuff. 

 Of course I wanted a picture with my handsome hubby. He has been amazaing through all of this. He originally did not want me to get the surgery just because he is not crazy about me having any kind of surgery. But the more we were both educated, the more he became a little more comfortable. I know he was glad when it was over. 

I just have to say, I love this man!

 and me after my iv. it was actually not all that bad. Usually the IV is the worst part of the hospital for me, but not this time!

 Here I am just waiting. I am so not good at waiting on things sometimes. 

 surgery went really well apparently. at least that is what i heard from garran and my dad. I was a little sore afterwards, but for te most part m recovery in the hospital had been really good. 

my view this morning when they came in to take my vitals. very pretty.

and my cup!! I get to work on one of these each hour!! Pretty exciting I know!

again, thanks for all the love and support you guys have shown. it has made me feel so loved!

t-10 and counting

well...here we go. it's surgery eve. 

all i am doing is waiting for the call to find out what time I need to be at the hospital tomorrow. 

family is coming into tonight to help with littles. 

I still need to pack, but other than that I guess I am as ready as I am going to be.

People are starting to hear that I am having surgery and so I wanted to do a quick explanation of why I did not say anything sooner and why I am choosing to do this. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tomorrow I will be having bariatric surgery. 

I have decided to do this for a couple reasons. 

1. I have always struggled with my weight. I was heavy as a child and all through school. I was active in sports and things like that but I was always the heaviest on my team and was always frustrated at the lack of ability to loose the weight I wanted too. My mom took me to the doctor in junior high when she noticed that I was not loosing weight either despite my different sports activities and things like that.  It turned up that I had a thyroid problem and have had it ever since. 

I have been pretty lucky because despite my weight, I have been really healthy. I have never had problems with high blood pressure, diabetes, or anything like that. 

Then I started having kids. The weight that I gained never seemed to go away. It would just stay. I might loose a little hear or there, but never get it completely off. And so my weight just continued to creep up with each baby. Finally by my last, Ayla, my body had just had enough I think. I developed gestational diabetes with her and after her birth I was pre-diabetic and my blood pressure started to creep up. That is when I knew I had to do something serious. Both of my grandfathers suffered heart attack and people in my family have issues with high blood pressure. I am going to be 32 this November and I don't want to start dealing with these issues at such a young age if at all. 

2. I want to feel good. I really enjoy working out. I work out right now sometimes 3-5 days a week. I enjoy Zumba and swimming. However my body hurts after I work out and I know that it is contributed to my weight. Not to mention I had back surgery after giving birth to Kael. My weight is a real factor in the possibility of me having to repeat that surgery again. 

3. I want to be around to watch my kids grow up. I want to grow old with my husband. I don't to be restrained or restricted because of my weight when I get older. I want to be able to run and play with my grandkids and do all of the traveling that Garran and I dream of now. 

I know that a lot of people think this is an easy out. That could not be further from the truth. This process has taken me a year to complete. I had to go to multiple classes to learn about vitamins, eating, exercise, calories, etc. 

I had to meet with a dietician regularly to track my progress and show that I was serious about the program. 

I also had to meet with a psychologist. We spoke for a while about why I was interested in doing this surgery. 

The program that I am apart of is very in depth and definitely not something you go into one day and the next day you are on the table. I can honestly say that I have never felt more prepared for a surgery in my entire life. 

There is no easy out with this. If you don't do the work, it won't work. If you go in and have the surgery and go home and think..."Oh, now I have this tiny stomach I can eat whatever I want", you would be dead wrong. Yes people have had this surgery and gained the weight back...They did not follow the program. You have to stay on the diet, you have to count your calories, and you have to exercise. That is the bottom line.

I would be lying if I said that I was not a little excited at the idea of being a smaller size. What girl doesn't have that thought? But my real intention is to be healthy, for me, and for my family. 

I know I will run into criticism. I already have with some of the people that I have started to tell. That is ok. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. This is my choice. It is my way of trying to get healthy. 

My surgeon used a really good analogy that I like to think of when I am explaining my reasons for doing this surgery. 

For someone in my position who is heavy, but active. Who has been following a diet for a year now and exercising regularly, and still not lost a decent amount of weight, this is what he told me. He said, "You are the perfect candidate for this surgery. You are focused and are following the plan." Then he used the analogy. He told me to imagine standing at the starting line of a race. He said everyone is there standing normally, ready to run. But I am there with a book bag with all these extra weights in it. No matter how hard I try it will be harder for my body to keep up with the "normal" runners. So this surgery takes that book bag off my back. It puts my body on an even playing field to loose the weight and to have success when I diet and exercise. 

I know some people are wondering why I waited so long to say anything about the surgery. Well in the process I went through you don't get clearance for the surgery until the very end. And once you are approved you get your surgery date pretty quickly. 

Another reason, honestly, was that I was not sure how to bring it up. Like I said, I am never a 100% sure of what the reaction will be. 

So..that being said. Tomorrow is the day. Secrets out! 

Family and Friends that have said they wanted updates, Garran will have my phone. We ask that all surgery questions be sent to that phone, so that both phones are not ringing. 

I will be posting from the hospital on how everything went, as I will just be sitting there recovering. 

Wish me luck!

At the finish line..of sorts.

Well here it is, Saturday night, the 22nd. I am 4 days away from surgery. I almost can not believe it. I can not believe that it is here. I have been on a liquid diet with some protein here and there. It has been a long couple of days, but nothing I could not handle. It's all part of the journey. So i had my pre-op physical and of course my thyroid is off. When is it not?!?! However the surgeon is not concerned and it should not postpone anything having to do with the surgery.

so now....

more of the dreaded photo updates. I always hate this because I never see the kind of progress that I want to...but i do see a little here and there. I have to remember my moto...Every pound is one less pound I am carrying around with me. 

So far I have lost 24 pounds... It fluctuates from day to day, but I try to track it by weighing in every Monday. 

Ok enough stalling...here are the photos. 

Here is my photo from May

 Here is my photo from September.

My surgery is September 26. 

I will be updating from the hospital on how surgery went and also my progress after I go home. Wish me luck. 

Good News.

This was me about 30 minutes after leaving my meeting with the surgeon!!

Woo HOO!

He said I look good to go. 

They are going to submit everything to insurance and then we will set the date pretty much!

I have one more class to go before surgery. 

I am feeling good. 

I am down 20 pounds with just exercise and diet. 

My surgeon said on average people tend to go down about 100lbs. 

Some people more and some less. It just depends on how hard they work and if they stick to the diet. 

I am really excited about getting this done and getting a date set. 

Wish me luck!!

feeling better!

I think I was just having a down week last week. I had not lost any weight that week and was just feeling bummed. However I feel a renewed sense of things will work out and I will continue to make progress. I know things are not moving as fast as I would like. I also know that it is at this point that I get frusterated because the weight seems to stall and not come off. 

That is exactly why I am having this surgery. 

It is just like the surgeon said. It is leveling the playing field. 

With some of my health issues he said to imagine it was like I was at a race but starting 20 yards back behind everyone with a backpack of extra weights on. He said that the surgery was just a tool to level the playing field and get me up to the starting line with everyone else. 

it made so much since to me since I have felt that way many times in my life, especially when I have been trying to lose weight in the past. I have watched it just melt off others, and mine just barely drop little by little. Even when I was being supervised. It is so frustrating and emotional to feel like a failure at something you want so badly. 

then i would stop because I would kind of feel like....what is the point? it was a vicious cycle. 

I am so ready to make this change and have this surgery. 

I really think it will change my life for the better!!

one more.

for those of you that read the hunger games, i actually had this thought.

i knew if it was me. I would not make it long at all!!

a laugh!

even though i am not exercising so that i can eat cupcakes, this still made me laugh!!

i guess you have to find motivation where you can!!

feeling blah.

stalled.

losing ground.

NOT LOSING WEIGHT!

giving into cravings.

i know they all effect each other. 

I know. 

but it is so frustrating. 

i just want to lose weight. 

i just want to exercise and see results. 

i just want to have my surgery and start seeing results.

food.

well i had my first class with the official pre op dietician. 

i have to be honest when i say that i walked out feeling more than overwhelmed. 

there are so many things that you have to do.

take x-amount of vitamins for the rest of your life. 

you have to shove protein and water and all other sorts of nutrients in your tiny pouch each day. 

i worry about being able to squeeze everything in while running two kids to school and maybe one to preschool. 

I know I will and have to do it. It just seems overwhelming right now. 

update

well here we go.

i have been put on the fast track for surgery. 

i was approved by both the food psychologist and the dietician. 

they both said that I was making excellent progress and I was doing a good job of changing my lifestyle.

i have already lost 15 pounds. 

you can not really tell from this picture, but i will take every pound that comes off. 

I plan on taking pictures every month to track my progress. 

so here it is in all its glory!

ps. the look on my face is because i am sick.. both with allergies and with the way that i look!!

Important

that is what i have been telling myself a lot lately. 

I AM MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE FOOD.

i never realized until they put me on this new diet how much i depend/think/want food. 

I think about it a lot and want ti a lot. 

however. i am trying and doing pretty well. 

whenever i have a craving, that is what i say in my head. 

I AM MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE FOOD.

my life, my kids, my husband are more important than the food. 

so far I have lost three pounds. 

it is not much, but it is a start!!!

and so it begins!

Well in a sense it begins. In a sense it has always been. My weight. It has been an issue my whole life. There has not been a time in my life that I can remember feeling skinny or even average. I have always known that I was not the same as my friends. I was always bigger. Shopping was never fun. No matter what I did, some weight might come off, but never what I wanted. Never enough. 

I was active all throughout my childhood. I spent all day in the pool, on my bike, etc. And I was still the heaviest or at least sometimes reminded that I was the heaviest. 

Well I knew that when I hit 30 I was done having biological children. I felt like my thirties were going to be a new chapter in my life. I was not sure what that would be, but I really just felt like my thirties were going to bring change. And so I am hoping it will. 

A few months ago our friend Ed Palmer had bariatric surgery. His weight loss was amazing. I could not believe it. It was truly incredibly. I have to admit i was a little jealous. In my head I thought, "What I wouldn't give to have that". To have that weigh loss. To have that healthy-ness. I mean almost over night so many different health issues just disappear because the weight starts to come off so rapidly. I am not wearing rose colored glasses. I see that it is a hard road. That it is the hardest diet that I will ever be on. That I will have to work hard and exercise, but for once I feel like I will be playing on a level playing field. Instead of thinks being stacked against me. 

I started looking into the surgery when we came home after Christmas and talking with ed. I looked into what was available around me and what my insurance would cover. I was excited to find out that my insurance would cover the surgery. That was so exciting. However it did not cover everything. That was not so exciting. 

However Garran and I went into the city and went to listen to the surgeon speak about the surgery and what to expect. Garran was not for me having the surgery before and I think he still has his reservations. I know that he is worried for me. Surgery is surgery and things can always go wrong. But after seeing all the benefits and how excited I was at the end of it, that he came around. He still has his worries but he is ok with going ahead with it. 

 So now I amwaiting. I have my first appointment with my dietitian in a few weeks. I am really hoping it goes well and I can get on the fast track for having this surgery. I don't want to rush through the steps, but I feel like I have waited my whole life to be thin. And even if I never get super skinny, I just want to be healthy and smaller than I am now. I hate being FAT!!!  I really really hate it. And the older I have got, and with each baby I have had, the weight has just been harder and harder to take off and seems to linger longer and longer. Not to mention my thyroid stays out of whack so much longer and just stays crazy. I am ready to feel and look healthy. I am ready to have more energy and do more things with my children. I want my life to be a better quality than what I am at right now. 

I have decided to document my journey with this and hope for the best outcome. It starts now.